i was looking over jobs offers in websites and suddenly i got all anxious and started hyperventilating
1. Don’t try to piss quietly. Nobody in a public restroom thinks you’re knitting in your stall. They came to piss, just like you. And if you have to take a dump, do it. Get over your fear of public toilets. It’ll make life a lot easier.
2. Masturbate. Masturbate a lot. Talk about it with your friends. You’ve got the right to make yourself feel good and brag about it just like all the boys with extra large kleenex packages on their desks.
3. If you want the large fries, get the large fries. Hunger and appetite are nothing to be ashamed of, just human. Don’t ever feel guilty for eating in front of others. You need to nourish your body to stay alive. We all do.
4. Laugh as loud as you have to, no matter if you snort or gasp or literally scream.
5. Fart when you have to.
6. Always remember you weren’t born to visually please others. Forget the phrase “what if they think it’s ugly”. If you think it’s lovely, it is lovely. You wanna wear it, wear it!
7. Speak your mind! You can learn to do so without insulting others or shoving your opinion down other people’s throats."
in case you didnt know
- girls can be polite without being flirty
- dont mistake politeness for being into you
- girls can be nice without wanting the d
- ya feel
You Aren’t Boring I Just Suck At Conversations I’m Sorry: a novel by me
I’m Not Ignoring You I Just Don’t Know What To Say: a sequel by me
I Feel Like I have Nothing Interesting To Say So I Don’t Say Anything At All And I’m Really Sorry Don’t Stop Talking To Me: the trilogy.
100% true horoscope facts
aries: sexually frustrated at everything
taurus: really nice but dead inside
gemini: mostly just hungry
cancer: in the closet but not really
leo: super gay for everyone
virgo: promises not to tell and then tells everyone
libra: lazy assholes like seriously do something with your life
scorpio: i’ve never met one but they’re all jerks
sagittarius: always boning your mom
capricorn: loves everyone but loves themselves more
aquarius: never not killing you
pisces: big booty bitches